I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
