I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
