he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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