I puked a lego.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
