i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
