get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
