At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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