3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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