he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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