i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
