I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
