on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
