I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
