if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
