My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
