Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
