once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
