arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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