yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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