Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
