She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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