hotel room ftw
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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