What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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