I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
