im drinking this country out of the recession.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
