wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
stop calling my apartment porn island.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
