talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
