so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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