If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize