i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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