Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
