I'm lost and stupid without you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
