using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize