Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
