birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
