my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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