its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
