Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
