She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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