so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize