just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize