have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
