i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
