She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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