He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
