I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the condom got lost in my hair
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I understand Curling. That high.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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