I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
