Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
