Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
