I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
