I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
