Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
