We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize