my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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