You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
