If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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