4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
