Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
