I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
