He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
