11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
