I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
