Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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