He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
