Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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